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joepie91 needs more railing 🚅💦 (🔜 eth0) @joepie91@slightly.tech
4w
reflecting on how some of the spontaneity I've lost of the years probably went away because of being (much) more careful about things, like a certain amount of recklessness was a necessary ingredient of many of my spontaneous experiences.

thinking back on it, I don't think I like that trade. but recklessness can also harm others, when applied in the wrong place. I don't really have an answer on how to reconcile this, but I do know I don't want to constantly be careful about everything, it's stifling.
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joepie91 needs more railing 🚅💦 (🔜 eth0) @joepie91@slightly.tech
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it's particularly difficult because I've always been very careful about not causing harm to others, it's just that I've gotten better at that over the years and as a consequence I'm more careful now than I was 10 years ago.

but I've never had a "fuck everything and everyone, I don't care" phase in my life, so I don't really have a reference frame other than "less-developed me". but like, I can't unlearn the things I've learned. so how do I get back to a healthy level of recklessness?
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joepie91 needs more railing 🚅💦 (🔜 eth0) @joepie91@slightly.tech
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which sounds really weird when asking it that way but that's kinda where I'm at with this. I just don't have any good reference for what 'deliberate recklessness' looks like or how it affects things
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Autumn Jo 🌧️ v_enby 🍂 @ShadowJonathan@tech.lgbt
4w
advice-ish @joepie91 percentage of risk likeliness, percentage of risk impact, and percentage of risk reversal

there's a big difference with being careful around someone's life and being careful with someone's feelings or specific enjoyment of the day, there's a lot of different degrees, and not all of them are the same

sometimes people can get scrapes, scrapes are okay, it doesn't mean that being the one to give them isn't fine, but being able to still talk about it afterwards and help them heal from the scrape is the absolute requirement, and if the harm is going to be larger than something you can reverse, that is the absolute wall, and the rest is just filling in the push and pull formula of "how much energy am i gonna spend on this, making sure this other thing doesn't happen" fighting with "how much energy do i need to allocate to heal things afterwards"

breaking things can sometimes be okay, but if you're making a hard line at breaking nothing, then yeah, that comes out
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Autumn Jo 🌧️ v_enby 🍂 @ShadowJonathan@tech.lgbt
4w
re: advice-ish @joepie91 the other thing is intent; showing and communicating intent that you don't want to harm is also important, plus establishing trust; if you can say that you don't want to harm, plus when you do (accidentally, probabilistically) harm, then you need that trust and that signal of intent, and your ability to reverse that harm, to be able to give people the confidence that you're not there to harm them, because with any of these removed, you're just going to show up as harming them and saying you dont wanna do that

there's just way too much here, but essentially; it's all about making sure it's still "within reach" to make sure that you can do something right; being careful is a first if you can't reverse it, but if you can, then making sure all of that is covered as well, lends you some area to be a bit more reckless in, without fighting your anxiety over it
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additional meis meiing meifully meihapsulating meibe @mei@amazonawaws.com
4w
re: advice-ish @ShadowJonathan @joepie91 yeah largely agree with this, and i think most of it can be captured with the following simple truth, that recovering from a fuckup is a skill one should have. perfectly engineering situations means you don't learn it, and the muscle withers

i knew someone who was VERY good at this, but it was very mentally taxing for me to standby & watch because of how it looks just like neglect from afar - the difference is when you're aware of this process, which she wasn't.
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