flori_ava_star:~:cursor_blinking: :made-with-estrogen: :verifiedlesbian: (@star)

@admin here u go. finding all the slow queries for u and killing them

SELECT 
    query_text,
    execution_time_ms,
    'RIP' as status,
    CONCAT('Died of performance issues at ', NOW()) as cause_of_death
FROM slow_queries
WHERE execution_time_ms > 5000
ORDER BY execution_time_ms DESC
LIMIT 1
INTO OUTFILE '/dev/null'  -- goobye :3
ON DUPLICATE KEY UPDATE
    status = 'Still dead',
    cause_of_death = 'Killed twice for good measure';