very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruisingBeing suddenly confronted a few days ago with the opportunity to attend a cruising event in a comfy environment – which is something I had been somewhat looking forward to, even though I had no longer expected it to happen – has made me feel quite some unexpected things, which I've been reflecting on since then. I want to share some of these thoughts and what I learned about myself. (1/8)
very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruisingI felt that part of me wanted to go there and enjoy myself. I felt a lot of fomo at the thought of not going there. I felt quite a bit of pressure to go there (not from anyone in particular; but general peer pressure and also from myself maybe?).
I also felt reluctant at the same time. Like I would have to go way outside of my comfort zone to participate in something like that. (2/8)
very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruisingI wondered if that feeling was coming from my insecurities – which I do have plenty of, even though way less nowadays – and if it would be worth pushing myself past that.
But I also had to think about how a friend had turned down an invitation to (basically) an orgy by saying something along the lines of "I'm too demisexual for that". Those words resonated a lot with me in that moment. (3/8)
very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruisingI've been struggling with describing how sexual attraction works for me for a long time. What I know is that I'm definitely not asexual. I'm also not (fully) allosexual the same way other people are.
But the way demisexuality is usually defined, as lacking primary sexual attraction and first needing some form of connection to develop it, is also not fitting for me. (4/8)
very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruisingI do experience primary sexual attraction, towards a lot of people, and I always have. I just don't feel the desire to act on it (with consent of course) before feeling somewhat close to someone – just like I don't feel like acting on the desire to kiss someone without some emotional closeness. How much closeness is needed can vary quite a bit depending on the person. (5/8)
very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruisingWhile I wrote all this mainly for my own sake, maybe someone else will find that these thoughts resonate with them. I just want to say: It's fine to be completely sex-repulsed asexual, it's fine to be hypersexual, and it's fine to be anywhere in between or whatever else. And however (sexual) attraction works for you, it's completely valid, whether you have a good label for it or not. 🫶 (8/8)
very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruisingAll of these thoughts have led me to the conclusion that I do feel like "demisexual" is a fitting and useful label for myself, after all. I just don't agree with the commonly used definition via primary/secondary sexual attraction. (7/8)
very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruisingThere have also been cases where I initially had sexual attraction to someone, but feeling emotionally close didn't work out after a while, and I completely lost the attraction – while still liking them. And "emotionally close" does not have to mean romantically here. I've also lost some or all sexual attraction towards some people for various other reasons. (6/8)
very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruising@fugi i am just afraid that the posts got out of order at some point, it goes from 5/8 to 3/8 or something
very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruising@star argh, it's in order on my end... 🫠 not the first time auto-split threads I posted had issues. I wonder why
re: very personal, reflection on sexual attraction, ace spectrum, cruising@fugi it was the right order for me ^^ its a nice text and i feel similar about a few things
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