Progress in treating my depression: mh+- (depression, seasonal affective disorder), drugs (weed, methylphenidate)
ughhhhhh. the effect of the weed tapers off and so do its antidepressive effects; today has been super nice, but come evening, it slowly but steadily changed into the good ol' void of nothingness and painful numbness. I have only very recently discovered that when this happens, weed can help to relieve me of that numbness and lift my mood to a 3.5/10 from a 2/10.This might be explainable by a lack of dopamine; also hence why I was fine until the evening, when my MPH tapered off. MPH blocks dopamine reabsorption, and THC also seems to do that.
After the last 5 years of my depression and getting used to this feeling of numbness, I am glad that after lots of therapy, medication, HRT and spent energy, I feel the symptoms of my depression only on some rare days, rather than the 24/7 bombardment I have had before (of course, it's much worse in winter).
If the system for treating people was actually not broken, I'd be so much further into figuring this out.