"You don't call yourself an ally in your Bio, that must mean you're too much of a coward to show support."I have literally never heard this one, ever. It would also be incredibly out there to have that opinion, since there is a myriad of ways to openly show support for marginalized groups without calling oneself an ally.
The other two quotes you brought up are just variations of this.
Wanting to tell people what to or what not to call themself has lead to more toxicity, than people calling or not calling themself an ally.Has it really? Let's suppose that you are right and that you could somehow prove that there has been a larger volume and intensity of toxicity caused by this debate. Question: Do you think queer people should just be silent about issues that are problematic to them? How should they address issues that have impacted them for decades, and noone else has listened to? Are anger and discomfort not justified emotions that should be expressed?
This "peace" and "harmony" you seem to seek comes at a cost. The only times something has ever improved for queer people is when their pain has become too big to hide, and when it was openly displayed. I agree in that that is something that should change, but rather by actually listening to queer issues and fixing them, rather than trying to tell them to play nice.